


Aquaria

by heartsflush



Series: The Modern AU Zone [3]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon-Typical Violence, Fish, M/M, also everyone in this universe loves carly rae jepsen, if you don't like fish you won't like this fic lmao, take that as you will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-25 03:09:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12026838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsflush/pseuds/heartsflush
Summary: A relaxing date at the aquarium sounds harmless, especially given Kravitz and Taako's day-to-day lives......right?





	Aquaria

**Author's Note:**

> i have played hugo's route in ddadds too much please help

Kravitz swung his scythe in a huge arc, knocking a robed lich to the ground. He walked over to them as they lay prone, his red, skeletal eyes burning into their very soul.

“For the crimes of lichdom and unlawful necromancy,” Kravitz began, accent in place, “I sentence you to an eternity in--”

Kravitz was cut off by an incessant buzzing from his pocket. Moments later, the sound of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Cut to the Feeling” echoed in the dark cavern where the battle was taking place. The lich and Kravitz shared a moment of awkward silence before Kravitz pulled out his phone.

“Yes?” Kravitz sighed, knowing full well who was on the other side.

“What’s up, babe? Hope I’m not interrupting anything important,” Taako replied from the other end.

“Nothing is too important for you, love,” Kravitz stated, casually placing the blade of his scythe at the lich’s throat. “What’s going on?”

Taako groaned. “Y’know how Angus badgered me into chaperoning his aquarium field trip?”

“Vividly,” Kravitz replied.

“Well, his teacher just called me--like, literally called me, no email or anything, can you believe?--and said that a couple of their chaperones dropped out last minute. He first begged me to stay--”

“Not the first time that’s happened to you, I’d assume,” Kravitz interjected, pushing a bit more forcefully with his scythe as the lich tried to escape.

Taako’s laughter brought a smile onto his skeletal face. “Definitely not, hon. Anyway, after that, he asked me to see if I could find someone to cover the losses. Would you be down for an impromptu date at the aquarium tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure, let me check my calendar,” Kravitz answered. He pulled out his pocket calendar, somehow managing to keep the phone at his ear and the extremely bored lich at bay, and flipped it to that week. After glancing over it for a bit, he put it back. “I’m free.”

“Thank _God,_ I was about to have to ask Merle,” Taako replied. “See you then, babe.”

“Of course,” Kravitz replied. “Bye.”

With that, the line went dead, and Kravitz returned his attention to the lich.

“Now, where were we?”

 

Kravitz shifted nervously on his feet as he stood in front of the aquarium’s large doors. Taako and the vast sea of overexcited children would be there any minute. He checked his watch, then checked his watch again to make sure he was _really_ on time.

As he prepared to check his watch for approximately the fifth time in the past ten seconds, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a large, yellow school bus rambling into the parking lot. He sighed in relief as he saw children pour out, followed by Taako, decorated in every extravagant accessory he owned. They made eye contact from across the lot, and Taako made an expression of exasperation.

Kravitz smiled as Taako made his way through the children to him. “Rough ride over?”

_“Like you wouldn’t fucking believe,”_ Taako whispered, careful not to let the more sensitive parents overhear him. “What is it with kids’ obsession with boogers? Nasty.”

Kravitz chuckled. “I hope you didn’t get any in your jewelry.”

As Taako looked through his accessories carefully, jingling wildly, Lucas Miller somehow got the crowd of kids to quiet down long enough for him to talk.

“Alright, everyone, please listen as your name is called and go meet your chaperones,” he stated, as loud as he could possibly be. “With Mrs. and Mrs. Fangbattle: Logan, Joshua, Ava, Olivia, Hannah, and Max.”

As the kids dashed over to the pair, Killian lifted one of them on her shoulders. Kravitz laughed; there was never a dull moment with the two of them around.

“With, uh, Ms. Hurley and Ms. Sloane: Arianna, Christian, Landon, Avery, and Makayla,” Lucas continued. Sloane and Hurley gave Taako a little wave as they corralled their students together.

“With Mr. Taako and--” Lucas glanced over to the two to see who Taako had dragged along, and his eyes went wide when he saw Kravitz. Kravitz tried to calm the atmosphere by smiling a bit and waving timidly, but it did little.

Lucas steeled himself and continued on. “With Mr. Taako and Mr. Kravitz, uh: Angus, Addison, Daniel, Gavin, Taylor, Zoe, and Sydney.”

It was at that point that Kravitz tuned out everything else that was going on to focus on the children bounding towards him. Angus, of course, ran straight to Taako, who ruffled the small boy’s hair endearingly. The girls of the group were chattering on and on about the latest horse novel (or something of that ilk, Kravitz couldn’t tell), and the boys were...oddly quiet. Kravitz made a mental note to keep an eye on them.

As Lucas finished up directing the kids to their groups, Taako addressed their small gathering. “‘Sup, dorks. I’m Taako, and I’ll be running this little shindig.”

Kravitz sighed, even though a smile was creeping onto his features. Saving the world had not changed Taako a bit.

“As all of you know thanks to some memory magic and stuff, I am an extremely powerful wizard,” Taako continued, “so don’t try anything or there will be consequences. Also, my boyfriend is death! So you’d be _double_ screwed!”

“Taako,” Kravitz interrupted, “I know you’re wearing a lot of rings right now, but there should be one on your left hand that’s of some significance. We’re married.”

“Okay, yeah, but husband sounds dorky,” Taako replied, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, let’s get rolling. Who wants to see some fish?”

 

The day progressed without too much trouble, thankfully; the most they had to deal with was bored children. For the most part, at least.

It was when they got to the touch tank that the troubles began.

Kravitz was leaning against a pillar when he saw Addison with his hands in his hoodie pockets looking around. He quirked an eyebrow before starting to head over when Taako grabbed his arm.

“So, update,” Taako whispered. “The boys of the group--minus Agnes, of course--have conspired to fucking steal as many sea creatures as they can, apparently. Mind helping a dude out?”

“On it,” Kravitz replied. “I’ll take Addison.”

Taako nodded. “Angus and I’ll handle Gav and Daniel. Keep an eye on those girls while you’re at it, they might be in on it too.”

With that, Taako returned to where Angus was confronting Gavin and Daniel about a peculiar lack of sea stars in the tank. Kravitz resumed his path to Addison and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Addison?” Kravitz asked, causing the boy to turn around. “Are you enjoying the trip so far?”

Instinctively, he’d put his work accent back into his voice. Luckily, he’d let Taako do most of the talking for the tour, so this worked to his advantage; Addison turned pale as a ghost.

“Y-yes Mr. Krav-kravitz sir!” Addison replied, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.

“Good, good,” Kravitz continued. “Now, is it just me, or did there seem to be more animals in the tank when we got here than right now?”

Addison didn’t say anything, but his breathing became much more erratic. Kravitz decided to just go for it. “Addison, can you please show me what’s in your pockets?”

Before Kravitz had even finished his sentence, Addison succumbed to the pressure of being in the presence of the grim reaper and pulled a conch shell out of his pocket. “I’m sorry sir my friends made me I didn’t want to--”

“Shhhhh,” Kravitz interrupted. “It’s okay. You’re not in trouble. Yet.”

Addison visibly calmed down as Kravitz continued. “Now, I need you to put that snail back in the tank. Otherwise, it’ll die. Do you want that?”

Addison shook his head and placed the conch back in the water. Kravitz smiled. “Thank you. Because you cooperated, I’ll try to put in a good word for you, but you know that I have to report this, right?”

The boy nodded, a bit sad, and walked off to join the rest of the group. At that moment, Taako returned to Kravitz’s side, followed by the two young boys who were busy dumping their horde of starfish and sea urchins back into the tank.

“How did they even get that many?” Kravitz observed, awed by the vast amount of echinoderms the boys had gotten their hands on.

“Easy,” Taako replied. “Determination.”

Daniel looked up at Kravitz with a glare as a small brittle star slipped out of his hand and into the pool. Kravitz returned his gaze to Taako as he asked, “How did you get them to give them up?”

Taako was silent for a bit before admitting, “I may or may not have bribed them.”

Kravitz sighed, placing his arm on Taako’s waist. “I love you so much, but you make the worst decisions.”

 

The afternoon drew to a close as both the bus and Kravitz’s car pulled out of the aquarium parking lot. It was an uneventful drive home for Kravitz, and he was sure the opposite was true for Taako; being stuck on a bus with approximately thirty rambunctious children sounded, as Taako so eloquently put it that morning, rough like you wouldn’t fucking believe.

Kravitz pulled into the driveway of his house and turned off the car. Moments later, his phone buzzed, and “Cut to the Feeling” began to play. He sighed, a smile on his face, and answered.

He couldn’t even get a sentence in before Taako’s voice cut in. “Listen, Skeletor, it’s been a long fucking day, and I could use some cabernet sauvignon and clay pots. You in for Chug n’ Squeeze?”

Kravitz chuckled, turning the key once more. “Always, love.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wanna cut to the feeling
> 
> OH YEAH


End file.
